whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
