You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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