My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
