Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
