Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize