i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
