Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
