her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
