I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
