now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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