all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
