Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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