Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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