I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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