I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
