Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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