Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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