my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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