its not stalking. its research.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
