At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
