I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
