Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
