My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
