i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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