Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
