I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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