HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You pole danced in your parka.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
