I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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