Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
