I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
