I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
