Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
