ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
