I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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