guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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