do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
