someone owes me an orgasm
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
