awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
