well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
