Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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