I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
