i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
