come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
not ubering you a puppy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
