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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
