I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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