Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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