I'm gonna have a badass scar
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
