I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
