And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
