Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
