i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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