1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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