You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
