She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
