sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
