I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
