You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
