yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
