bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
