Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
