If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
