if i can run in heels then i can drive
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
