Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
