just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
