im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
