note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
