he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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