i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
