he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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