i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
