is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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