Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
