My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
